You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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