I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
