dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
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he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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