May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
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Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
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Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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