Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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