I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
