Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
