So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
