Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
