I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
