when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
