Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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