Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
