Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
