My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
