I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Apparently you make a good broom.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
