But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
