Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
