Dual....:-)
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
