Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
