she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
