I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
