This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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