did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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