Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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