I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
