I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just found a bag of teeth...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
