Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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