from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
