I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
