mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
