This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Randomize
