You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There's a naked man in my car right now.
In other news, I just burned my penis
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
