I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
