My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
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all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
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watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor