4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help