I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
