Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I need a beard to bite.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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