She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
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