Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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