Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
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I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
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Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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