Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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