I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
