I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
