you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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