here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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