The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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