I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
