Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
