i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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