I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
