You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
