you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
