I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
