You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
