I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
