sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
