I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Randomize
