i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
