YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He passed out mid-signature
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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