Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
