it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
