and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
