I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
