a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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