In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
