Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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