Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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