I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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